a000001 (a000001) wrote in debt_support,
a000001
a000001
debt_support

Is my father abusive when it comes to money?

I have this "strange" relationship with my parents as I was independent for fourteen years living in various big cities. I tried to make a break in the graphic design industry but I went broke. I ran up my credit cards and I had to ask my parents money to pay off my credit cards because of the interest rate. I had a tremendous amount of guilt because I took some of my father's retirement money and they did not offer it as a gift, I was told to pay them back.

My mother suggested that I move out of the city to stay with my brother until I was settled. The move was a big burden on my brother and his family. I was not able to adjust to the slower job economy and I had to take on 2 minimum wage jobs to save up for my own place. Unfortunately, they were not able to help me make a transition and I was forced to change my career from graphic design to sales for two years. This was after I lost three jobs in the city due to adjustment problems and poor attention to detail. Therefore, I was not able to perform and meet the manager's expectation at my sales and hostess job and I was fired.

My new career in sales left me confused and anxious and I had no family support. My brother kicked me out of their house when they realized it will take time for me to adjust. I experienced emotional distress for having to start over so quickly with not a lot of money. I lost my second job quickly after I moved out of my brother's home into my own apartment. I had to borrow money from my parents again. I stayed in my apartment for another six months until the lease was up. I decided to move in with my parents until I was able to live on my own.

When I moved in with my father he insisted that I pay him rent and the debt I owe them. It has been two years of me giving him everything I have from my pay check. I have neglected my own needs as a woman to be able to give him the money he asks me for. He doesn't allow me to save up for my own place one day: furniture, clothes, rent, investments into a savings. Rather, he wants me to pay him all the money first. I try to lie to him about the amount as I want to save something into my ING account. When I moved out of my own apartment he did not allow me to move with the furniture and clothes that I bought that year. I had to throw everything away and move down with four boxes!

Most recently, he refused to transfer money into my account and I had to pay additional thirty five dollards for over draft funds. He continues to take my money from each week's unemployment claim.
I don't have any money in savings and I doubt I will have any money in social security when I retire.

I tried to establish some boundaries and rules with them. However, I find that he is extremeling controlling and he will use any opportunity to abuse me living under his roof on his terms.

How do I take control of this situation? I am doing the best to find new work. I have been unemployed for more than five months and I even tried to talk to them about additional schooling. My brother has a PhD and they were very supportive with his education. They do not want me to even invest into a certification program so I can get work as a web designer. I have no idea how to defend myself as the rules that applied to my brother doesn't apply to me. Or they are so poor they cannot see any logic in investing in anything.

Help please!!!
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